死小孩

7.

我抱着纸箱走在大街上。

虽然是冬天，但阳光很好，死小孩开始慢慢融化，颜色莫辨的液体从纸箱的缝隙渗出来，滴在地上，散发出难闻的恶臭。

四周的人们只是出于本能地掩鼻绕开，谁也没兴趣知道纸箱里装了什么烂东西。

我突然觉得很寂寞，好像全世界的人都死了，只有我活着；或者全世界的人都活着，只有我死了。在这个阳光明媚的冬日，我和一个陌生的死小孩隔着一层纸箱紧紧相拥，走向一个注定冷酷的未来。

一场想象中的对话在我脑海中逐句展开，我与警察的对话，提问与被提问。

然后呢？

也许我会被怀疑，我老爸被怀疑，老马被怀疑，乱七八糟的各种人都会被怀疑。

再然后，也许会抓到真凶，也许会随便抓个什么人结案，也许会成为悬案。

最后，死小孩也许会被解剖，也许会孤零零地躺到一个更大的冰箱里，也许会被送到一个更加莫名其妙的地方，没名没姓的，从此销声匿迹。

可怜的死小孩！

我抱着纸箱木然地站在路边。

也许是同命相怜、或惺惺相惜，或我的脑袋彻底坏掉了，我从心底对她生出一种莫名的亲切感，我舍不得就这样抛弃她。

最终，我深深吸了一口气，又将死小孩放回了冰箱。

那一刻，我心里莫名地踏实了，就好像班里有个很白痴的笨蛋垫底，我再也不用担心考倒数第一了。又好像是，我的人生不再冷漠而平凡，因为死小孩的存在，我对这个家有了新的牵挂：

今天没有没有哪个大人发现冷冻柜里有个死小孩呢？

死小孩身上的冰屑有没有更厚了一层呢？

就这样，我与死小孩之间渐渐萌生出一种很奇怪的羁绊，每天出门前、放学后、睡觉前，我都要拉开冰箱确认一下她还在不在那里，只有这样才能安心。

死小孩让这个乌烟瘴气的家有了新的意义——怪异的，不安的，刺激的，又有一点点温暖的，很难讲。

我觉得，因为死小孩的存在，我才没有像二吉期待中的那样，成为一个坏小孩，或者坏人。

8.

在那之后的很多年里，死小孩一直住在我家冰箱里。

家里的赌徒换了一拨又一拨，他们将全部人生倾注在四方城里，从来都没有人发现过死小孩的存在。

曾经，有个冒失的家伙无意中打开过一次冷冻柜，但那时，她周身已经覆满了厚厚的冰屑，若不细看，很难发现那是一个死小孩。

后来，大概是我高中毕业那年吧，我老爸得癌症死了，我关闭了他的棋牌室，用他留下的积蓄开了个小卖铺，死小孩仍忠诚地陪伴着我，只不过那时，我已经专门为她买了一个更漂亮的小冰柜。

她已经像个家人、或者像小女孩怀里的泰迪熊一样，成为我的陪伴。

很多年以后，我变成了开小卖铺的怪蜀黍，孤单但不孤独。

而二吉大学毕业，像他的父母一样过着体面的生活。

有一年同学聚会，他拉着我拼命喝酒，不停地念叨着：“像你这样的，没变坏真的太可惜了，太可惜了！如果你变坏的话，就不会活得像现在这么落寞！”

“那个死小孩，”二吉醉眼朦胧，口齿却无比清晰，“那个死小孩你见过的，在学校附近的天桥上乞讨的小女孩，被冻死了……我把她抱进了你家冰箱里，呵呵……你这个变态，别以为我不知道你偷偷在冰箱里藏了只死猫……”

他这么一说，我好像隐约想起，我确实曾经见过死小孩。她每天嗫嗫喏喏地晃着一个破茶缸，在人们裤腿间跌跌撞撞。

你在梦里是无法创造出来一个陌生人的——也许这就是我曾经梦到过她的原因。

不过这已经不重要了。

“当时也不知道抽什么疯，脑袋一热就那么做了……”二吉继续说着，“我后来后悔了，又偷偷溜到你家想把死小孩带走，可她竟然不见了……”

“后来呢？”

“后来有一天我家里遭了贼，丢了一些乱七八糟的东西，却多了一个大箱子，箱子里装着那个死小孩！那时我爸妈在外地讲学，我一人在家，还以为是她阴魂不散找上我了，当时我被吓坏了，可又不知道该怎么办，思来想去，就又把她送回到你家冰箱里……你真可怜，你家里的大人们，除了牌局什么都不关心，连我三番四次大摇大摆地走进你家，他们也都全不在意……”

二吉猛地灌了一整瓶啤酒，“你没变坏实在太可惜了……”

“你为什么要那样整我！”我愤愤地说。

“我……我是你的好哥们儿啊！我想救赎你！”二吉醉兮兮地笑着，“你想啊，如果死小孩被发现了，警方会介入，而我会写一个匿名信，说那个死小孩是你捡回家的，因为你太寂寞了。反正那个死小孩也不是你杀的，你不会被定罪。而且，你会成为新闻哎，引发社会关注，会有无数的社会学者或爱心人士主动救赎你，救赎你爸，救赎你全家……你从此会迈向更加光明的人生！而我，我会觉得自己做了一件很高尚很伟大的事情！我帮了我最好的哥们！”

我沉默着，觉得自己的人生变成了别人导演的一场闹剧。

二吉打了个很响的饱嗝，问：“那个死小孩呢？后来怎样了？”

“一直在我家冰箱里。”我淡淡地说。

二吉愣了愣，皱起眉头，然后一头醉倒在酒桌上。

9.

那次同学聚会之后不久，二吉就出了国。

临别前，他与我电话道别，我们谁都没有再提死小孩的事，就好像一切都没发生过。

而那个死小孩，仍住在我家的冰箱里，她已经完全被冰屑覆盖，像个巨大的、不规则的冰球，冷藏着我那段莫名其妙的青春。

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