你看不见我

被无视的

下了课，我暂时放下去校长室的事情，按照张明明说的，往那栋旧教学楼去了。工地上的喧哗声暂时停歇，工人都午休了，终于还给校园一片应有的宁静。

我一边走，一边想着昨天晚上一直萦绕在心里的怪异感觉，越想越不对劲。

当我走到教学楼底下，听见张明明叫我的那一瞬，我终于明白了那个感觉究竟怪异在哪里。

李欣的伤在左手虎口上，乍一看很像对面的人用刀刺过来时，正当防卫所致。可当我为她包扎时，却发现那伤口的深浅从右到左递减，如果刀是从对面刺过来，伤口的深浅不应该是从左到右递减么？李欣的伤口，很像是侦探剧里常见的案例，是自己刺自己造成的。

可李欣为什么要刺自己呢？为什么黄冉会追着她？之前那断头的老鼠，被威胁的故事，又到底是怎么回事？

如果事情不是我之前一直以为的那样，那是谁在后面搞鬼呢？

我对着张明明笑了笑，她身后的教学楼沉默着，被包裹在血色的气氛中。

张明明带着我一直走上了教学楼顶层。

这栋教学楼有七层，带个简易电梯。现在电梯间已经弃用了，电梯抽走后，只剩下个空洞洞的电梯井，隐藏在厚厚的门板背面。

现在我就跟张明明一起，站在门板前面。

她对着我笑，我仔细看着这个女孩，从未这样仔细地观察过她：“张明明，说吧。”

“李欣是装的。”她声音冷淡，是我不熟悉的语调。

“装什么？”

“一直以来，都是她在敲诈黄冉。那些她举报黄冉的事情，都是她自己做的，因为她实在没办法掩饰了，所以才找黄冉垫背。”

虽然已经大概猜到，可真的从她嘴里得到证实，我依旧觉得痛心无比：“李欣为什么这么做？”

“无聊呗。”张明明无所谓地耸耸肩，仿佛同学堕落到这一步，和她毫无关系，“她成绩好，大家都宠着她，也给她压力。她是你们眼中的优等生，什么都得做表率，她觉得累，就想做点离经叛道的事情。”

“比如？”

“敲诈，校园暴力！”张明明笑起来，“黄冉被她打过很多次，所以才一直穿高领的衣服。”

我背心一寒。我记得那天晚上，我盯着黄冉受伤的手臂说：为什么你要那么堕落？

“黄冉为什么不一告诉我？”

“你会听么，老师？”张明明冷冷地笑了一声，她来回地踱着步，貌似不屑一顾，“你们这些老师眼睛里只有李欣那种学生，除了她，你们还看得到谁，还会相信谁？黄冉就是傻。上次李欣敲诈她的时候，她说你会信她，她要来找你。李欣嘲笑了她很久，还找人打了她一顿。后来事情闹大了，外校那些小混混被抓了，李欣就想着先下手为强。”

“——那么，你曾经给我说的事情？”

“都是真的，但是老师要把人物调换一下。”

寒气无法抑制地顺着我的脊背爬上后脑，我忍不住捏紧了拳头。我不明白，那么明媚的笑容下怎么会有这样可怕的想法。

“你为什么帮她？”

“我不帮她，我就是下一个。而且老师，我这种中等生，就算拼死了努力得到奖学金，您也不见得记得我的名字。”

那天张明明冷淡的声音回响在我的耳朵里，我盯着她看，她的神色被隐藏在深深的阴影中，无法辨认。

“更别提我生病，我受伤一一”

“你也是自己弄伤自己的？”

“我只是想试试被你关注的滋味，可惜我始终只是个中等生

”她笑起来，“我这样的中等生都是这样，像黄冉那样的差生，怎么会相信你那些千篇一律的废话呢？”

我瞪大眼睛：“那些纸条，还有那个花盆，都是你做的？”

“纸条是我写的，花盆一一是那天李欣打黄冉的时候掉下去的。当时全班都看着，哦，还有人跟着一起玩呢。我们经常这么玩，打赌说要几分钟她会受不了求饶。”

全班都看着，还有人跟着玩。全班学生没有人告诉我真相，没有人帮助她。她唯一想要求助的人，说她堕落。

我的心脏像被一只手掌抓住，痛得几乎窒息。张明明嘿嘿的冷笑声如同纤细的钢丝钻进我的大脑，缠住我的神经。

“你们怎么这样？”

“怎么？老师，您不如多问问您自己究竟记得几个人。我们告诉了你，你会信么，会去查么？你会帮助她么？你会么？”

我口舌干燥，她心情甚好，玩起了头发：“我一直想着，如果我和李欣走得近一些，也许老师会注意我多一点儿。可惜到了最后，我也只是李欣的同桌而已。您知道么？最大的伤害不是辱骂，是漠视。”

我说不出话，她忽然脸色一变，使劲掰开身后的电梯门：“如果我衣衫不整死在这里，而很多人都看见老师你过来，你猜他们会说什么呢？”

她往后退了一步，我吓了一跳，赶紧上前要抓住她。就在那一瞬，张明明让开了，同时她伸出脚绊了我一下，我无法控制地往前摔去。

我以为我会就这么死了。

可是有人抓住了我。我听见自己肩膀脱臼的声音，抬起头，看见了趴在电梯口上，使劲抓着我的黄冉。

她那么用力，以至于满脸通红。张明明就躺在一边，黄冉第一次做了他们谣言中的事情，只是为了救我这个没能相信她的老师。

“为什么？”我问她。

“老师家的饭，好吃。”她困难地吐出一句奇怪的话。

我忽然感觉我的心脏，痛如刀绞。

我躺在医院的床上，望着天花板，上面有蜘蛛留下的白色痕迹，纠缠在一起，像无法扯断的网。

黄冉坐在一边，给我削着苹果。她桌子上那些被人写下的奚落语句不知道是否擦干净了，也不知道就算擦干净之后，她心里还会不会留下那些刺眼文字的影子？但是她没有说任何责怪我的话，甚至不提那天发生的事情。

我的手臂和腿上的伤还在发疼，如深入脑髓一般地痛苦着。而我的大脑里，却一直无法抑制地回想起张明明对着我咆哮的场景。

那天她用一种居高临下的态度质问着：你总是看不到我，你为什么看不到我？

那一刻我竟然无法回答她。因为我发现，不止是她，黄冉也好，李欣也好，我其实谁也没有真正看到过。

Introduce:By admonitory —— how don't you still go dead! Go to work today, see be being pressed on the desk so a piece of scrip. This is this month receives so indescribable scrip the 2nd times, speech is babyish, baleful clear is shown, knowing is which what the fellow of the thing puts is confiscate by me when attending class. I sighed, kneading the between the eyebrows that presseds closely all the year round, ripped scrip, lose into at the same time in paper basket, sit conveniently takes out the 3 students notebook on the side, spanned pen top. Every semester most those who make me painful is to give a student to write semester comment. A class probably 70 bearer, I took two classes, altogether 140 people, the commment that one chapel draws up 140 differ completely, wanting is an incredible story. More what is more,the rather that I am knitting —— eyebrow, look at the register before, zhang Mingming? Another is without specialty, in cannot leaving impressional to the person, wait unripe. This kind of student is not had commonly result had not had, without outstanding achievement, also did not let the record that poll is fond of, so insipid that resemble round air, brush a shoulder in corridor even and also want too a half talent is faint recall, ah, this is like is our class that who. I ponder quite a while, cannot think of what can be written really, be like as one used to do same, take out directly toward example, copied a few words: Should give birth to study hard, humanness is honest, the hope continues hard. Next the jab on the lid is put aside, below one. Below one host calls Huang Ran, look at quite clever name, it is a girl that gets very hard actually. Hear the parents in the home divorced, from now on disposition becomes a little bosseyed. In friend of the it doesn't matter on the class, achievement all the year round crane end, although tacit, there can be her on the list of stir up trouble every time, want than very much male survival even hard check. This paragraph of time, appeared outside the school blackmail a gang, I hear Huang Ran also mixes amid. I think, write down in her register very a paragraph long word, carelessness no more than is to let her difficulty seeks a teacher, do not abandon oneself. Can want to also know, this won't have any effect, connecting what I understand I say is gibberish. I take out again, host calls Li Xin. This is the child with whole class best grade, disposition is optimistic, relations with people is wonderful. The president alludes me countless times, such student must be protected, let her become the sprint player of our class. To such child, occasionally I always open a bit mistake an eye shuts an eye to let her go. I carry the first stroke of a Chinese character, get sth done without any letup wrote an ebullient comment for her. Want below one to continue in me when, preliminary bell rang. I see school timetable, a happen to is 3 class. I had cleared away teaching materials rapidly, conveniently is caught