旧兵营里发生过的奇事

李掌柜看在眼里，深深吸了一口气，发出了一阵狂笑，震得供桌上的铙钹都嗡嗡作响。

画师被吓了一跳。停了口诀，满脸不快，问李掌柜发啥癫狂，是不是看到我教神异，有所倾仰？

李掌柜还了句呀呀——呸！我倾仰个狗屁！你个小白脸子别再自欺欺人了。你那法门儿老子早勘破了！你再仔细瞅瞅呵——行尸即走肉，人鬼已殊途。一具臭皮囊，无头的不祥物，附了飘摇荡漾的旧魂魄，还想重入人道。做梦去吧——你自己瞅瞅！

画师转头看去。果然，“天师”那物其势不举，萎靡如一条死蚕。他脸色顿时煞白。

李掌柜继续添油加醋：“嘿嘿！你一开始就在白费力气。人死即如灯灭，就算可以暂时驱来他的魂魄，其精灵早泄。何况这个不祥之物头颅已失，如同天柱已折、地维已绝，即使羁绊他魂灵于体内也是六阳泄尽。终不可……”

“够了！”画师脸色变得惨白。身体抖作一团，颤抖着声嗓：“我不信！我不信！本教法门神异，神异……”

他一失神的当，那“天师”竟噗通栽倒。伙计和老太婆去扶时，那物已变作木头般僵硬。画师急急掐念咒诀，连念百十遍毫无起色。

画师终于绝望，伏地大哭起来。连喊祖父、父亲、大叔、二叔、哥哥，后辈无能，终于未能重塑金瓯，中兴我教。看来妖孽世界强横异常且气数未尽……

他哭了一大会儿，咬了咬牙，回头吩咐俩爪牙，自己要去安顿天圣尸首，他俩先把李掌柜那个妖人勒死。

画师吩咐完，小心翼翼抱起“天师”的无头尸体，跌跌碰碰下楼去了。伙计和那老妖婆过来就要动手。李掌柜想完了，自己要死在这俩宵小之徒手里了，真窝囊！

正在这危急关头，头顶传来两声枪响，伙计和老妖婆应声栽倒。李掌柜抬头看时，见屋顶被稀里哗啦掀开了个窟窿，中士攀椽扶梁顺着立柱滑了下来，手里举着他那只“大喇叭”。

中士吁了口气，说了句好在有惊无险，又说娘的，把我惊个不轻，没脑袋的死物竟然能动弹！

李掌柜见他如神兵天降，惊喜异常，问他怎么知道自己被绑到这里了。中士嗨了一声，说自己交接完当天任务就去了李掌柜铺子，见了他留的条子，就驱车往画师住处去，不料半路遇见个熟人，海聊起来，等俩人聊完道了别，他赶到画师住处时天色已经暗下来了。他怕李掌柜早走了，不愿进门劳人家再作一回殷勤接待，见路旁正好有修电线工人未及收走的一架竹梯还靠在一根电线杆上，那电线杆正好靠近画师住那二楼窗子，他就悄悄爬了上去，偷偷巴望，想着看不见李掌柜身影就是他已经走了，不料却正好看见画师几个人正把李掌柜装箱。他当时没敢贸然行动，便偷偷观察，后来一路跟踪着画师开的那辆卡车来到了这里……

中士还没来及说完，见李掌柜变了脸色喊他小心。他急回头还是晚了一步，头上早挨了一棍，眼一黑，瘫倒在地板上。

画师手里握着根木棍出现在后面。他上前先掰开中士的手，抽出他的手枪别在了自己腰间，又找出根绳子把他也捆了，拖到墙边，站起身狞笑，讥讽李掌柜俩人到底没逃脱自己手心。

李掌柜骂他必遭现报。他哈哈狂笑，说本教诸圣虽已归天，但余留我亚圣一脉不绝就是天可怜见的表证。既然天不绝斯，那就说明我教顺乎天理人情，合该中兴、博大。

李掌柜见此人已近风魔，猖狂忘形。心头涌起无限的厌恶。说你的底细我如今总算揣透了，呵呵——你就是和你那横死的哥哥一并号称玉面双狐的“小教”小白脸子程撷薇吧？

画师冷森森答腔：“倒也不错！”

李掌柜骂他金玉其表却坏事做尽，他那死鬼兄长更是惯于伪装职业勾淫良家女子。不唯他兄弟俩，他家一门上至贼祖下及贼孙，无一不秉承其所创谓的教义，大行淫乱，祸及太多无辜，伤天害理。身死家破，恐怕只是最小报应，那形神斩灭的一天恐怕也不会到来过久！

姓程的听他骂着，直气得脸如金纸，胸口一劲起伏。

李掌柜心里知道今天是脱不了难了，索性骂个痛快。他话锋一下向姓程的痛处刺去：“嘿嘿！你号称个‘圣’字，岂不知你那‘圣’和你爷爷、你爹、叔叔、加上你哥差了多远！你爷爷那些贱烂手段你根本没学会多少，远不如那几个所谓的驴‘圣’狗‘圣’继承的多。你平常把心思都用在访花觅柳的小恣情上了，一旦老巢倾覆，清汤蛋黄流淌一地，你这个刚刚长出几撮绒毛的黄口边子雏鸟侥幸得生却顿感彷徨无措。试图出手收拾却不得法门，只好弄些个描影摄魂、羁魂趋身的轻浅法术来修补羊已尽绝之牢——你觉得你那几下三脚猫本领真能助你那掉了头的爷爷复生？哈哈——瞧你那‘八门引鬼阵’老子就看出来了！他妈邪教就是邪教，终究不入个正格……”

李掌柜一气骂着，尽拣难听的来。把个姓程的邪教亚圣气得暴跳如雷。他捶胸顿脚冲着李掌柜扑来：“我要——”

“砰！”——一声枪响居然从他腰间传来。他身子猛地一震，脚步随即停滞，身子拧了半圈，伸手往腰间抚下去，再举手只见满掌鲜血——那把被他夺去别在腰里的“大喇叭”（鲁格P08）在他激烈动作下走火了（“大喇叭”是种单动手抢，一击之后，击锤便停留在待击的张紧状态，倘若此时不注意就收起，极易触发击锤砸下造成走火），子弹穿透了他左下腹，击碎了半副胯骨，翻滚出体外，造成了一个碗口大的出口伤，那鲜血像放开闸门的水一般涌出，他捂都捂不及。

他的脸色渐渐变成死白，圆睁双眼，一副打死不愿相信的神情，嘴里憋了最后一口气勉强挤出几个字：“我教神异——”随后像团烂泥般软瘫在地，一缕不甘化作怨魂，随他那几位至亲去了。

……鬼故事

尾声：李掌柜盼得中士清醒过来，告诉他他腿脚没被捆着，先过来摸索着解了自己的绑缚。中士照做。

不一会儿，俩人都获得了自由。中士边活动筋骨边和李掌柜商量眼前这摊子怎么办。李掌柜让他先为侄女和那些女子穿好衣服，随后把她们带下楼上了载自己来的那辆卡车。临下楼，告诉中士在楼上找寻找寻，见了画了符咒痕迹的画像就烧掉——破那邪法其实也简单，火剋之！

李掌柜看顾着那群女子，在卡车上等中士。等了老大一会儿才见他焦眉燎发地跑来登上驾驶室。

李掌柜见车后顺风飘来一阵烟气，有点纳闷，问怎么回事。中士僵嘴僵舌：“嗨！您让我烧画，我找寻半天觉得太多了，挨个得烧到啥时候，就来了个万法归宗——那火苗子窜起来还挺快，差点封了我退路……”

“啊——你，你也太毛手毛脚了！”

“嘿嘿！如此多解心恨。”

“……”

“不过——”中士挠挠被火焦了的头发，“毛‘首’我不喜欢！”

“ 什么？”

“我喜欢后边那俩字！”

“毛脚？”

“嗯——它们还有个后缀哩。”

“什么后缀？”

中士从观后镜偷着瞄玉露，嘴里含含混混不敢支吾清楚：“女——婿——呗——”

（完）

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